a pretty decent proposal

before i left for the christmas break i was doing my best to convince a friend of mine that i wasn’t getting engaged. i distracted her by postulating that if anything should happen, it would only be us looking at engagement rings [i was right!]. she seemed shocked at first because she thought i’d be ruining the surprise of my ring.

to be honest, i don’t care much. the ring is a wonderful gift and symbol of our intent and commitment to each other and there was the fact that i still wouldn’t know what the ring would ultimately look like; but for me, what i really want to be surprised by is the proposal.

i don’t have any kind of dream proposal; the bf can design that any way he sees fit whether by a big grand gesture or a small subtle one, either way is fine. i’ve always looked forward to what would be said before finally dropping to a knee and proposing [okay, so i did have a bit of a dream proposal…the knee thing. i’m sure the bf can humor me]. i can only imagine what’s going to be said: will he be nervous? will something go wrong? will he rush through his words? forget to say something? i’m sure he’ll take the time to be ultra romantic and sentimental. will he tear up? will i cry?! will i be upset at something completely random and unrelated? will i suspect it’s happening before it happens? will i believe it’s happening? will i grin like a maniacal cat the entire time?

and what about afterwards? will we keep looking at each other with wonder and disbelief and pure happiness? will we be able to stop kissing? will we giggle at each other? will we make the stupid silly jokes that we do now? are we going to be two complete dorks about it [in a word: yes]? will i ruin the moment and say something along the lines of, “haha, you’re really stuck with me now. sucker!”

knowing me? that’s a huge possibility. hey, i’ve done it before. in front of company no less.

the only stipulation i’ve made about the proposal was that it didn’t happen in public. personally, i’m not big on the proposals with other people around, even my own family and friends. i love them but i’d rather save the celebration for later. this is a moment that i want for just the two of us. and that says something because i love being the center of attention. i do think it’s so nice when people get engaged with family and friends present but it’s just not for me. i don’t want to share that moment with anyone but the bf. what i really want to do is just sit back and enjoy that moment with him and i don’t feel like i’d be able to fully do that if other people surrounding me. i don’t want to risk being taken out of the moment too soon because you really only have that moment to relish. you can’t make up for it later. and if i do end up crying, which i suspect might happen, i definitely don’t want to have people present for that spectacle.

but in it all, the proposal afterglow is such a fragile, fleeting moment that i want to cherish it for as long as possible. the ring? yes, i’ll look at that lovingly and that’ll be the tangible memory of that moment, but it’s the story of the proposal that i’ll be sharing with everyone.

after all, i helped picked out my promise ring. was it any less special because i knew he was buying it for me [he actually pushed me away so he could make the purchase]? no, not in the slightest because while i don’t quite remember what he said when he finally gave it to me, i know that i couldn’t stop grinning and my heart melted.

into a puddle in the middle of the mall.